She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
