can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
