Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
