apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
