peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
