So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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