the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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