So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
