so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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