So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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