I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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