did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
