dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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