so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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