Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
