I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
