There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
