I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
