You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
