____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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