Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
