My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
