Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
