Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
