you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
