Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
