I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
