he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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