You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found your dick twin last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
