Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
