That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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