My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
