Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
