When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
