So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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