just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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