Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
