I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize