if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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