I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
