Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize