I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how does that bad decision feel?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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