i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
