Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
