R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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