Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
