smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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