i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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