I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
