wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
