i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize