You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
