The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
