Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
