after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
