My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
