pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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