I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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