i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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