What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
