hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
