The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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