We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize