so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
