The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
