I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
