I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
