what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i need some magic done to my vagina
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
