is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
