he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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