Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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