I need help removing her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
