Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
