I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
