im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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