He kissed a someone with a penis
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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