Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
someone owes me an orgasm
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
