Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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