he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
